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FUNFAIR
It’s almost 8 o’clock, and it’s drizzling. There are different noises everywhere. Manong is singing karaoke, and how he belts out Sinatra’s “My Way” is really cringe-worthy. Kids are howling nearby, and scents of human, mud, and steel permeate the air. Vapor rises from the ground because of the light, steady rain. It amuses me how I ended up in this They Call Her Dana-like place. There’s a scene from Jennifer Wilde’s book where the protagonist performed in backwater theaters and small towns until she achieved great success as an actress. The place where I’m at is pretty much the same as the description in the book, only this is reality.
Have you ever experienced standing in one place, and then suddenly bits and pieces of your life start playing in your mind, almost like déjà vu? It certainly is one of those moments. It’s not because of the place, but the memory it resonates with. The setting somehow triggered the playback button in my mind. All of a sudden, I remember the old times, I remember how long my journey has been, my adventures, the sound of the ocean, my favorite books, my first love, childhood. I remember one time when I took a night bus to El Nido and arrived at 3 am. It was raining, and I was alone. I found a small store and asked for coffee. The Tindera was very polite, obediently pouring me a cup. I could hear the radio faintly playing while sipping coffee, with the breeze on my face and the wind blowing through my hair as I listened to the sound of sloshing waves. It was very peaceful, the kind of peace that you wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. Surreal.
Then I remember when I went uphill in Dahilayan to try the zip line for the first time. It’s the longest in Asia, and you have to zip line through the lush forest of Bukidnon. I was both scared and thrilled. With my eyes closed and clenched fists, I took the ride and just let go. Midway, I opened my eyes, and the view was breathtaking! It was all worth it! It was indeed an extraordinary experience. There’s no other way to overcome your fear but to face it. Of course, I will never forget the time when we were conquering the humongous waves in Calaguas. Our small boat stopped in the middle of the ocean, with huge waves atop us. I was certain we were about to die. I have never prayed so hard and so much in my entire life! Luckily, we came out alive, pretty shaken but grateful.
Looking at the big wheel now, I remember when my sister and I rode the Ferris wheel for the first time. She was screaming so loud the whole time, and I was devilishly laughing. Then I remember my mother… I miss her. These random feelings and thoughts remind me of how good life is and how tragic it can be. These experiences made me crawl, made me cry, made me grow, live, and dance. I am thankful for each moment, grateful that I’m still here, enjoying the best of life.
The rain stopped pouring, Manong finished with Sinatra and is now trying his own version of “One Moment In Time” by Whitney Houston, eh? Too many bittersweet memories, and the singing ain’t helping!
“After all this time?”
“Always…”
MINA
I remember her sitting at her favorite wooden desk, sipping coffee and smoking her cigarette. She was always surrounded by people from all walks of life: friends, relatives, clients, orphans, people in dire straits, neighbors who indulged in private tête-à-tête, fortune tellers, fortune hunters, professionals, even people who were being possessed by spirits and stuff! She just loved the crowd! And she embraced them all with so much compassion. She was very generous with her time, resources, and affection. She was the kind of woman who would give her last penny to the next person in need. She hardly thought of herself, and when she gave, she gave with insurmountable passion and conviction.
“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in.”
I’ve never seen her buy expensive things for herself. She always wore the usual white shirt, shorts, and slippers. She once told me to always wear humility as my second skin. While other sexagenarians loved to spend their time and money in the church, she loved to feed the children from slum areas while teaching them how to pray the rosary. She put her faith into action. She was extraordinary. She was my mother.
Nope, she wasn’t perfect. She wasn’t the conservative, faint-hearted, submissive kind of woman. In fact, she was one of the toughest and most outspoken individuals I know. She spoke her mind. She would tell you the good and the bad, no holds barred. That’s why some people found her words too bitter to their taste. She wanted you to be enlightened and true to yourself. She was perfectly imperfect, and I loved her. Many people loved her.
“She walked with the Universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings.”
My mother spent years doing charity work, but she shunned recognition for all the good things she did. “It’s for you and for God’s glory,” she always told us. The last two years of her life were the busiest. She never stopped. It was as if she knew she only had two more years to live. She taught me great things. Her light is my torch. I am who I am because of the amazing mother who raised me. Thank you, Ma, for being you and for being a good mother not just to me, but to a lot of people. It’s been four years since you left. I miss you so darn much!
“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”
RESONANCE
Because of you
I have learned to love.
Because of you
I have learned to hope,
to forgive,
to believe.
Because of you
I have learned to let go
though hurting.
Because of you
I have learned to trust
in tomorrow.
And though because of you
I’ve felt pain
It’s also because of you
I’m living.
A Brief Encounter With Happiness
Happiness comes from within. I’ve learned that no matter where you are, what you have, or who you’re with, true happiness starts deep inside. If you’re not genuinely happy from within, everything else feels like a blur, a mere façade, a fake emotion trying to be real. For me, happiness is solitude and peace. It’s looking at someone you love and feeling genuine joy because you know your feelings are real. It’s being content with what you have and living in the present. Happiness is about giving, living, and exploring. It’s that feeling when you’re in the arms of the one you love and you’re certain there’s nowhere else you’d rather be.
